The Sopranos

If the entire Sopranos series was the world series...

Game 1 – It was a subway series, everyone favorite type of game, Yankees vs Mets. Well I missed the first few innings, but everyone called me, telling how great a game it was, and so I switched in on. And they were right, it was superb. Plays were executed perfectly, rivalries and personalities dominated. So what if Joe Torre came out every other inning to talk to Roger Clemens about his feeling; the game was filled in triple plays, home runs, in even Yankee outfielder, Melky Cabrera decided to switch teams in the 8^th inning, only to get hit by a Clemens pick two innings later. Yankees win 6-5.

Game 2 – Another great matchup, Pedro Martinez vs Andy Petite. Pedro is pitching a perfect game, getting some great defensive plays. I just can’t take my eyes off the TV. I relish every inning. Pedro loses the perfect game in the ninth when his wife distracts him Derrick Jeter gets a cheap bunt hit. Pedro than hits the next two batters in the head as a message to Jeter. Mets win 1-0.

Game 3 – What is going to happen? Will the Mets hit Jeter? I’m so excited. Hmm, the Yankee are wearing pink uniforms, interesting. Hmm, they spend the entire second inning having an interview with Pedro’s wife. Wait a minute, is that Clemens warming up in the bullpen, is he going to pitch again? Look over into the Mets dugout, Beltran and Green are fighting. Wait, why are they interviewing A-rod’s wife now? What happened to the fight? Ok, so far the game in is unwatchable, errors everywhere and Mets have been sold to Oprah, who wants to appeal to more women. So now Dr. Phil is on the mound talking about anger. I keep watching hoping to at least see what happened in the fight, but nothing. And what happened to Clemens? I watch every inning hoping for a glimpse or game 1 or 2, but in the end, they call the game because of rain.

Games 4, 5, and 6. – I don’t watch one inning. People keep telling how great the game is, that A-rod hit a huge home run. That Torre is going to bench Posada. But they don’t talk about they spend more time of the player’s families than the actual game. How every inning starts off great, but then they just end the inning before 3 outs, never seeing what would have happened.

Game 7 – This is going to be the last game and everyone is talking about, but I still don’t care. I’m flipping channels and I turn to game and it is in the 7^th inning. There is no score, not that the score is 0-0, but that they no longer keep score because they kept screwing it. They are now talking about how Posada has been on the Mets payroll all along. You know that the manager Joe Torre and Posada are very close, they are like an uncle and nephew. You would just think that Joe is crying when he thinks of how Posada betrayed him, and in a moment that could be baseball history, Joe quietly replaces Posada with a backup. He never comforts Posada, he never even seems sad, in fact he gets more excited when ordering a pizza. Meanwhile, on another channel, there is an NFL game (NFL = the series The Shield). They have the almost exact situation, except that you can see how the coach is agonizing over the decision, he doesn’t want to take him out, but he has to, for his family (only to later find out that the player wasn’t a traitor and that he kicked him off the team for nothing.)

So it’s the ninth inning, score ties at 5. It’s been a horrible game, but the fans before to acknowledge it, they just keep talking about the one or two decent plays. Jeter leads off with a single. They spend the next five minutes showing a Mets player in the dugout pondering which batting glove in case he gets in the game. White gloves or black glove? Wait, the player in a pitcher so nevermind. So now A-rod it up, the biggest challenge to Mets winning the game. It’s a tough at-bat, A-rod hits a bomb that is just foul. What will the Mets do? Mets’ manager Willie Randolph walks over to Yankee’s bench Coach Don Mattingly and asks how to get A-rod out. Don Mattingly, who seemed to be loyal to the Yankees, says “low a change-up low and away” with blinking an eye. Next pitch, A-rod strikes out on a changeup. At this point I just think the players are lazy and don’t care about the fans. Anyway, bases are empty…what happened to Jeter, I guess they didn’t care about telling about that either. At this point, the fans are demanding that the game end somehow, just let someone win or lose. It is looking good, the Mets have traded for and brought in former pitcher Ugueth Urbina. Urbina was in Venezuelan jail serving 14 years for attempting to kill people with a machete. Urbina pulls a machete out and yells that any Yankee who gets a hit will get his throat cut. Man, something good is going to happen. Johnny Damon is at bat and it looks like he is going to try to get a hit even if it means certain death. He comes the pitch…wait, Damon calls timeout. Ok, here comes the pitch, wait another timeout. Ok here comes the pitch…wait another time out. It looks like Damon is ready. Urbina looks ready, but tense. He is covered with sweat, and his eyes...