Dreams

Pain, Anguish, Manic Denial, and Fear. Those are the words I would use to describe the dream I had last night. It was the saddest I had ever been first within the dream and then after I woke up. I have never been an emotional person and would say that I had never experienced any real, knock-you-on-your-face grief, but the feelings the shivered through my body and soul last night were overwhelmingly horrific and sad. Without going into too much detail (even though much of the dream in still echoing in my mind with full clarity), in the dream, Molly was some kind of very small toy-like thing and I looked away and when I turned back she was broken. In fits of anger and denial, I fought through tears to try to fix her, but nothing was working. I kept trying and wailing out every moment that I failed, as others looked down on me with confused pity. They didn’t know this toy was Molly, they didn’t know “that I spent more time with her over the past year than any of you spent with anyone”, which I cried out only to realize immediately that it was true. When I woke up, I knew it was all a dream, but the feelings were still there and the sadness felt like a crushing weight all over my body. I still feel the lingering shadows of the dream many hours later, but there is now something else. Now there is empathy, now I have a small glimpse into the pain the others have felt (which much be exponentially worse) and I want to comfort them somehow. I’m not sure who I want to help or what happened, I just know that I feel terrible wrong today.

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