Daily Show
I always find it hard to write in this thing when I haven’t posted in a while. So I will take this one Daily Show style.
Headlines (Applause)
- The Molly Web Site is back up and running.
- Video game grand theft auto is getting in trouble because of hidden sex scenes. I guess the unhidden parts of the game (killing cops, beating up old ladies, soliciting prostitutes and then shooting them) were acceptable, but actual sex (something legal) has caused an uproar.
George Bush nominates a cliché to the Supreme Court (insert picture from a tiny tunes episode where Dan Quayle took Buster Bunny to Congress and somebody put a pump in Buster’s ear and filled him up will air, while scores of Congressmen began to sing “fill-a-buster, fill-a-buster). He is a 50 years old son of an executive, Harvard Collage, Harvard Law, with a bad, no horrible, no atrociously conservative haircut. Warning!! Mini-rant. Actually, I will re-write what was going to go here as part of my next segment...
Back in Black (in Louis Black Voice)
"I may understand why Supreme Court Justices shouldn’t have to be re-confirmed from time to time. This way they don’t have to kiss political ass all the time! But WHY not give them a 25 year TERM limit? Because THAT makes too much sense! I’m sure our forefathers thought to themselves, let’s make sure that the oldest, most senile people in the country get to make our most important decisions. Hell, and lets allow these people to do this forever, until they die at the ripe old age of 125! But what a great job; you can’t get fired, you get to wear the same outfit everyday, you can do it till you die, and you can openly force radical Christian conservative ideology into the laws. Wait, isn’t the Pope?! No, just our new Supreme Court…John”
And a rant for another time, if Bush gets to nominate a second justice, I give Roe V. Wade five years before it is overturned (the court will rule it is up to the states to decide, which is actually better than passing federal anti-choice legislation).
Welcome back. Our guest tonight is an award winning comic, former liberal and current conservative, Dennis Miller. (Applause)
Me: So Dennis, how it going?
Miller: How it going? That sounds like a question Hemmingway would ask Ernest Borgnine after drinking a pitcher of pina coladas at Trader Vicks after the Arch Duke Freddy Ferdinand was assassinated. That reminds of when Dick Chaney lured me back to his castle, I was surrounded by Norwegians supermodels, each who made the Morocco goddess 'Aisha Qandisha look like Arsenio Hall in drag after a weeklong ether bender in Reno. As I was telling this Norwegian broad about the realities of global political dynamics and the republican-led downfall of society into a Orwellian future, Karl Rove descended from the ceiling faster than the metaphoric French stock market crash of 1720. Before I could even mention the connection to “Het Groot Tefereel” old Karl had ripped out my brain with a bbq fork, threw into on a French Cactus Table by Lalique, and replaced my brain with a pre-programmed republican computer microchip. Now, I can recite conservative propaganda faster than Carl Lewis on speed trying to escape a Polly Shore after-party. So if that doesn’t answer your question, I don’t know what will. So, John, how is going for you?
Me: ummm, good, I guess, and stuff.
Back to News
The man made famous for being really strong and for fighting alongside Wilt Chamberlain to destroy a half-snake, half-James Earn Jones villain, is not doing well as governor of California. Although his approval ratings continue to decline, Governor Schwarzenegger wasn’t worried and reiterated his new platform, which is “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”
And now, your moment of Zen…
Headlines (Applause)
- The Molly Web Site is back up and running.
- Video game grand theft auto is getting in trouble because of hidden sex scenes. I guess the unhidden parts of the game (killing cops, beating up old ladies, soliciting prostitutes and then shooting them) were acceptable, but actual sex (something legal) has caused an uproar.
George Bush nominates a cliché to the Supreme Court (insert picture from a tiny tunes episode where Dan Quayle took Buster Bunny to Congress and somebody put a pump in Buster’s ear and filled him up will air, while scores of Congressmen began to sing “fill-a-buster, fill-a-buster). He is a 50 years old son of an executive, Harvard Collage, Harvard Law, with a bad, no horrible, no atrociously conservative haircut. Warning!! Mini-rant. Actually, I will re-write what was going to go here as part of my next segment...
Back in Black (in Louis Black Voice)
"I may understand why Supreme Court Justices shouldn’t have to be re-confirmed from time to time. This way they don’t have to kiss political ass all the time! But WHY not give them a 25 year TERM limit? Because THAT makes too much sense! I’m sure our forefathers thought to themselves, let’s make sure that the oldest, most senile people in the country get to make our most important decisions. Hell, and lets allow these people to do this forever, until they die at the ripe old age of 125! But what a great job; you can’t get fired, you get to wear the same outfit everyday, you can do it till you die, and you can openly force radical Christian conservative ideology into the laws. Wait, isn’t the Pope?! No, just our new Supreme Court…John”
And a rant for another time, if Bush gets to nominate a second justice, I give Roe V. Wade five years before it is overturned (the court will rule it is up to the states to decide, which is actually better than passing federal anti-choice legislation).
Welcome back. Our guest tonight is an award winning comic, former liberal and current conservative, Dennis Miller. (Applause)
Me: So Dennis, how it going?
Miller: How it going? That sounds like a question Hemmingway would ask Ernest Borgnine after drinking a pitcher of pina coladas at Trader Vicks after the Arch Duke Freddy Ferdinand was assassinated. That reminds of when Dick Chaney lured me back to his castle, I was surrounded by Norwegians supermodels, each who made the Morocco goddess 'Aisha Qandisha look like Arsenio Hall in drag after a weeklong ether bender in Reno. As I was telling this Norwegian broad about the realities of global political dynamics and the republican-led downfall of society into a Orwellian future, Karl Rove descended from the ceiling faster than the metaphoric French stock market crash of 1720. Before I could even mention the connection to “Het Groot Tefereel” old Karl had ripped out my brain with a bbq fork, threw into on a French Cactus Table by Lalique, and replaced my brain with a pre-programmed republican computer microchip. Now, I can recite conservative propaganda faster than Carl Lewis on speed trying to escape a Polly Shore after-party. So if that doesn’t answer your question, I don’t know what will. So, John, how is going for you?
Me: ummm, good, I guess, and stuff.
Back to News
The man made famous for being really strong and for fighting alongside Wilt Chamberlain to destroy a half-snake, half-James Earn Jones villain, is not doing well as governor of California. Although his approval ratings continue to decline, Governor Schwarzenegger wasn’t worried and reiterated his new platform, which is “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”
And now, your moment of Zen…
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